Akiyo.
I was not fortunate enough to know you for all too long, but the impact you had not just on me for a period, but on my life as a whole, is exponential.
When I met you, I was at one of my lowest points; my mental health and physical health were both appalling, I had very, very few people I felt I could talk to, I was incredibly cynical, and I was pessimistic. But that day, September 19th, when I met you. Without so much as a full minute, you had become a light in my life. You were so positive, so fun, so welcoming. It felt at times when nobody wanted me, left me on my knees whilst everyone around me ran, you would always stop to pick me back up. And with the interactions we had, you opened my eyes.
I remember even before I had met you, I admired you. So much as seeing your name on the playerlist made me desperate to get to know you. And then after I was fortunate enough to join your faction, how blessed I was to be noticed, seen by you. You brought me the first proper joy I had felt for months. And then after you left, I never shut up about you. I couldn't. You had done so much for me, made me appreciate the world I am made to reside in, made me feel secure like no other could. The day you had to be removed from the shrine roster for not being here, I was beyond devastated. I begged to get you more time. And just as I did then; when I heard about what happened - I begged the Gods I worship for more time too.
Unfortunately, unlike you, they were not there to answer my prayers.
After I learned about your passing; it took me a little while to process it. I admired you, I adored you, I love you. I didn't, and still don't, understand why it had to be you. There are 8 billion people, and the feeling that I would allow the world to give as many of them up as it would take just to see you again, to get to know your smile. To hear your birthday, and to just.. Talk. One more time. But it is thanks to you that I am still able to smile, that people will get to see me again, that I will get to hear my own birthday. And it is thanks to you that I still can appreciate this world. It is thanks to you that I feel settled in the faction I am passionate about. And it is thanks to your support, your lifting me back when nobody else could be bothered too, your getting to know me, that I am who I am today.
In October, I was completely wiped. Embarrassingly, SRP took a monumental toll on my mental health. I was going to throw everything away, I was going to leave it and not even consider returning. But the hope in my heart that you would return. The desperate desire to show you my progress, to prove that I could still be your favourite, and to make you proud. To make you happy that I had listened to you, that I still follow your steps, and to be able to tell you I love you and Thank You. That hope is what kept me going; not just through October, but through November too. And December.
And although I know that is not possible now; YOU are still responsible for my happiness today. And that will never change.
Wherever your spirit is now, I hope you are at peace. I hope you are relaxing, and I hope you are happy. I am sorry that as you were here for me at my lowest, unintentional or not, I was not able to be there for you. In hindsight, I'm sure there were signs that I was too naïve to see. And for that I can only apologise for my selfishness. I wish I could go back, find you, hug you, and tell you it was going to be okay. Beg you to keep fighting. Because you were the strongest. But I appreciate that you are resting now. And that is okay. You deserve to. So please sleep easy.
Akiyo; to me, you meant the world. No matter what decisions you make, I will never stop admiring you. I will never stop loving you, and I will never stop thinking about you.
With Love, Akiyo.
- Charli
I was not fortunate enough to know you for all too long, but the impact you had not just on me for a period, but on my life as a whole, is exponential.
When I met you, I was at one of my lowest points; my mental health and physical health were both appalling, I had very, very few people I felt I could talk to, I was incredibly cynical, and I was pessimistic. But that day, September 19th, when I met you. Without so much as a full minute, you had become a light in my life. You were so positive, so fun, so welcoming. It felt at times when nobody wanted me, left me on my knees whilst everyone around me ran, you would always stop to pick me back up. And with the interactions we had, you opened my eyes.
I remember even before I had met you, I admired you. So much as seeing your name on the playerlist made me desperate to get to know you. And then after I was fortunate enough to join your faction, how blessed I was to be noticed, seen by you. You brought me the first proper joy I had felt for months. And then after you left, I never shut up about you. I couldn't. You had done so much for me, made me appreciate the world I am made to reside in, made me feel secure like no other could. The day you had to be removed from the shrine roster for not being here, I was beyond devastated. I begged to get you more time. And just as I did then; when I heard about what happened - I begged the Gods I worship for more time too.
Unfortunately, unlike you, they were not there to answer my prayers.
After I learned about your passing; it took me a little while to process it. I admired you, I adored you, I love you. I didn't, and still don't, understand why it had to be you. There are 8 billion people, and the feeling that I would allow the world to give as many of them up as it would take just to see you again, to get to know your smile. To hear your birthday, and to just.. Talk. One more time. But it is thanks to you that I am still able to smile, that people will get to see me again, that I will get to hear my own birthday. And it is thanks to you that I still can appreciate this world. It is thanks to you that I feel settled in the faction I am passionate about. And it is thanks to your support, your lifting me back when nobody else could be bothered too, your getting to know me, that I am who I am today.
In October, I was completely wiped. Embarrassingly, SRP took a monumental toll on my mental health. I was going to throw everything away, I was going to leave it and not even consider returning. But the hope in my heart that you would return. The desperate desire to show you my progress, to prove that I could still be your favourite, and to make you proud. To make you happy that I had listened to you, that I still follow your steps, and to be able to tell you I love you and Thank You. That hope is what kept me going; not just through October, but through November too. And December.
And although I know that is not possible now; YOU are still responsible for my happiness today. And that will never change.
Wherever your spirit is now, I hope you are at peace. I hope you are relaxing, and I hope you are happy. I am sorry that as you were here for me at my lowest, unintentional or not, I was not able to be there for you. In hindsight, I'm sure there were signs that I was too naïve to see. And for that I can only apologise for my selfishness. I wish I could go back, find you, hug you, and tell you it was going to be okay. Beg you to keep fighting. Because you were the strongest. But I appreciate that you are resting now. And that is okay. You deserve to. So please sleep easy.
Akiyo; to me, you meant the world. No matter what decisions you make, I will never stop admiring you. I will never stop loving you, and I will never stop thinking about you.
With Love, Akiyo.
- Charli