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KARAKURA NEWS | "How NOT to look after the birds of Karakura."

lamby :3

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octoplush
octoplush
Omega

How NOT to look after the birds of Karakura..”
Created by Blythe Akihito.


One of the most well-known pets among the citizens of Karakura aside from Dogs and Cat’s are the city’s most beautiful specimens.The Karakuran Birdie! Birds in Karakura come in all shapes and sizes but are proven to harness the #3 spot among the most popular domesticated animals within Karakura.. So we at the Karakura News Station have decided to inform the Citizens of Karakura on how to properly take care of their new fluffy friends. What shouldn’t you feed your animal..?

Bird’s are a part of the Avas class, meaning they are not Mammals and do not consume red meat, white meat or any other animals who are mammals. Birds naturally eat insects, seeds, berries, acorns and other nuts! So, to those who are feeding the birds they find on the streets.. Apples.. Oranges.. Even Marshmallow treats. You are killing a bird. If you have a passion for the fluffy fella’s on the street you can get safe bird food from the store Daisuki Yohin located opposite Ushi no Koya near the beach entrance. This store sells a variety of camping supplies and general wear you use on a daily basis! One of the items they sell here is.. The Birdseed… The Bird seed they sell at Daisuki Yohin has been tested to be 100% Natural-sourced and will give your fluffy friend the best shot at life they could imagine!



Here we speak to one of Karakura’s very own Birds!

[!] A Tape was attached with a play button ready to go, As you pressed start, Blythe Akihito could be seen crawling on the floor as she approached a bird, The bird was a beautiful pigeon, native to Karakura’s streets, A bird-sized microphone hung from the air as the tape began.. [!]

Blythe: Hello Mr. Bird.. How’re you today?

The Bird: “SQUACK.”

Blythe: “That’s good, I’m doing well thank you. How do you feel about the current state citizens treating the birds?”

The Bird: “Squack…?”

Blythe: “Thank you.. And do you like birds-”

[!] Suddenly a door swung open in the background and a foot of footsteps emerged, It was Kazuo DeLuca [!]

Kazuo: “Blythe- What? What the fuck are you doing on the floor.”

Blythe: “I’m doing an Interview! Go away.”

Kazuo: “I told you to stop bringing stray- .. *Sigh* Just make sure it doesn’t make a mess.”

[!] The door SLAMMED in the background. [!]

Blythe: “Sorry about that Mr Bird. As I was saying, "Do you believe Birdseed is the best nutrient for a bird?”

[!] The Bird looked incredibly confused.. [!]

The Bird: “Squack…”

Blythe: “Well! You heard it there fol- AHH AH- AHHH”

[!] The bird began flying around the room, attacking Blythe. She screams [!]

Blythe: “GET OUT- GET OUT-” *The sound of a window being opened and a bird flying out could be heard* “jesus-”

[!] The Camera Panned to Blythe.. Her knotted with a few leafs in it, She looked traumatized, Her face had bird claws scattered and her window wide open.. [!]

Blythe: “This.. This is Blythe Akihito, and you’re watching Karakura news..”

[!] The tape ended. [!]



So.. How do you hold a bird?

Holding a bird in Karakura is no issue at all, however, some people hold a bird wrong, depending on the size of a bird, small, medium, large.. There are so many different ways of holding a bird! Below you’ll find a tutorial of how to hold one!

[!] A tape began rolling as the female was found in front of a green screen, she gave a thumbs up to someone behind the camera before the green screen disappeared, And a movable Kazuo Deluca figure followed it. [!]
Blythe: “Hello my name is Blythe Akihito! And today if you’re watching this video you are here to learn how to hold a bird.. First we will begin with a smaller bird!” *She zoomed in, making the Kazuo DeLuca body pillow smaller.* “So, you’ll want to firmly but gently grasp the bird with its back and closed wings against the palm of the hand. Hold the head between the index and middle finger while the ring and little finger are closed around the body of the bird. Here is an example! However! For small birds you can also press your finger against their chest and normally they’ll climb onto your shoulder easily!”


The Karakura News Department is not responsible for holding humans, or squishing them.

Blythe: “If you don’t have a smaller sized bird, you can move onto the hold for a medium sized bird! This is how you do it!” *Blythe slowly zoomed in, making the Kazuo body pillow bigger.* “And- A fun fact, Like the smaller birds, you can press two fingers against their chest and they’ll climb up.”



Blythe: And now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for! This is how you pick up a LARGE sized bird. Now before I continue, If you are picking up a large-sized bird, PLEASE make sure it is domesticated and won’t bite you! We are not responsible for any harm brought by this report. Now.. Big birds can also land on your head.. Even the ceiling fan on the ceiling I know, it’s insane.. But! It just means they love you.”


Blythe: “My name is Blythe Akihito! And you’ve been watching Karakura News!”

[!] The Tape ended as a theme song tuned in. [!]​



Do you have something you'd like to report or be reported on?
Call the Reporter Hotline at (020) 980-4487 or message us on Onrain @KaNews
 

ErikFinster

Level 125
ErikFinster
ErikFinster
Omega+
Let's put the misuse of apostrophes and some run-on sentences and the jump from dietary advice to an impromptu interview to the side. It's a masterpiece!
 

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