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Detailed Roleplay Guide suggestion

JustJuiceHex

Level 96
JustJuiceHex
JustJuiceHex
Rich+
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Detailed Roleplay

(Guide proposal et al. 2022)



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Contents​


Purpose of proposed Writing.......................................................................................................................1

Basics from one side of view.........................................................................................................................2

Using The Detailed Actions............................................................................................................................3

Detailed action examples in suggested scenarios..............................................................................4

Credits........................................................................................................................................................................5

References................................................................................................................................................................6


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Purpose of proposed writing:



To assist players that struggle with detailed actions, their meaning and inspire ones that used same method over months and seek to strive another style of writing. Fulfilling actions in entertaining way, and to achieve this a little writing with tips can help!



As a player that was on server actively from 2022 late February I endured a cycle of theatre that I once mastered OOC in school as side module in arts. I decided to learn roleplaying from online sphere to make a worth time actioning with a bit sense of laughter, ‘cringy’ vibes, making personalized character appearance and activity in more broad perspective and using the gaming time to the fullest!



In my humble opinion I do believe, this article would help starting players, ones that want to taste a sense of actioning and astonish their friends giving chills and vibe. That is why I will share with my understanding of roleplay over time I was on server, provide some explanations and examples. Achieving final read of this thread, you will wield a part of detailed actioning knowledge I have and hopefully you will use it for quality leisure time and passionate engagement with friends – making a ‘Total, Drama, Action – lore!’




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Basics from one side of view:



From personal findings when creating detailed action it can contain numbers of elements, I personally categorize them into 3 parts: Emotional State, Physical action and Verbal part. (See Appendix 1) After roleplaying in different circumstances such as detailed cooking, sport's activity, class performance, providing first aid, combat exhibit and more...; I separated actions into 3 parts, I try to follow when making and interesting and purposeful lore for my character. This assists me when I need to come up with normal actions, quick actions and long actions, it is flexible of the use, and it is useful tool when you are tired, but you have that genuine motivation for roleplaying.

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*Understanding the keys to proposed Appendix 1, we have to separate each part into LEGO puzzles and go over each, before moving into actual Detail Roleplay. Starting from basics of actioning and going into detailing step by step.*

Description
Examples (not-detailed roleplay)
Emotional State- An emotion (emotions) person is going through or a way they are being affected by causes from surroundings (weather, actions, mood).
- It can be shown through facial expression, or kept inside of characters consciousness, left as an interesting emote, so surrounding players, could imagine what the displayed character is going through (kept visible or kept inside of mind to spice up the play)
-This can be merged with both Physical action and Verbal part, making a smooth line way of changing the plain action monologue.
- /me individual's face would drew a bright smile filling with happiness after hearing the cheerful comment.
- /me while making a slight nod with a weak smile, female would be feeling broken inside, wanting to tear up as seeing the body reminded her of the night..
- /me After hearing the gun shot fly by, individual would rapidly drop on their knees, from fear and panic they would start shaking..
Physical Action- A body language action that can represent emotion, a person's physical interaction with someone or something, it can be affected by all surroundings.
- It is usually applied when people develop action lore (sports stretches, fights, romancing, communicating through body language with someone, performing EMS work, searching something and more..).
- It also applies when person is trying to move from speaking part to an interaction with something, or developing emotion to body-way expressed emote.
- /me Female would grab a pair of scissors from counter and walk over the desk where kids sat.
- /me As male squatted, he would fix his posture in right position, before brushing hands down the tiptoes, gripping the tips and standing up with the stretch.
- /me 'Alright students, now follow my movement and you will learn how to wrap this bandage’ as teacher finished talking, he would locate the camera focusing on table, and wrap the roll around leg clockwise, applying gentle pressure.
Verbal Part- Like written it is action part that represents speaking, and easy way to engage with other characters, make solo style philosophy and it takes most part of the roleplay.
- It is most flexible tool when there is need to make a pause between physical action and/or emotional state, it is also is one that helps others to interact with the character player is using.
- From my findings, this part is trickiest of all, as many times I personally, and people I roleplayed with faced difficulty understanding the wording of long talks, needed OOC explanation and more. As advice, I would suggest not making it full of complex terminology for every single actions and maintain it with players that are experienced in roleplay, thus keeping short sentences with new players to warm them up with server could be a productive way to form the bonds.
- ... Thy the laws of logic... I was bestowed with role of pure death vessel... I carry misfortune to people that expose themselves to dark ways... and commence sins.. Ironic.. I am not god believer.. but that state I am going through.. is.. drastic...
- /me he would poke male’s shoulder lightly, smiling them and hoping for turn response ‘H-hi! I am Ali! What is your name?
- So when you go to second floor, go straight, turning left and you will reach library! And for toilet- those can be found on all floors on same level! *he’d point the way*


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Using the detailed actions:



Learning how to roleplay applying short actions and making a detailed once is a unique side of the server. While it is not necessary to know to do general roleplay – to apply into different fractions in the game like EMS, KPD, School roles, clubs and sports – the detail roleplay becomes irreplaceable tool to achieve what you need. Thus, when doing detailed actions there are few tips when making a detailed action look better and more outstanding.



  • If you do not have a rank that allows you to append actions or you run out of space in process of detailed action, you can always put ‘+’ (some people use it ++, (+)), letting other players your action is not finished and more content is incoming into it.
Example: 1669154304591.png
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  • You can always apply chat tools to change action distance, whenever it is long or short distance. Currently game actions have 3 different ranges (not including intercoms and advertisements)



    3 block range actions /w (whispering to person when making short distance conversations), /mec (in character action that is visible in short distance, or is intentionally hidden), /itc (out of character way to represent environmental or action cause into character in short distance)

    9 block range actions /me (in character actions that are visible for close audience, these can be used for fighting, stretching, doing strokes and more..) /it (out of character way to represent environmental or action cause into character in normal distance)

    25 block range actions /y (yelling, and making loud conversations like screaming, asking for help or singing & etc.) /mel (wide range actions that can be used to show your dancing, fighting and more for large audience and purposeful roleplay) /itl (large range action representing environmental or action cause into character, is pointed out of character)
[!] For more information regarding these actions and terms see server’s terminology thread: https://schoolrp.net/rules/#post-145307 [!]

  • You can always use color codes to separate physical actions from verbal parts, you can apply use of chat code ‘&l [action/text]’ after the color code to BOLD out outstanding parts of action, maybe accented verbal part, or specific physical action part. A reminder whenever using a color code, to swap back to verbal part, you can use ‘&r [text]’ to swap verbal action into white. It is not against rules to make speaking part in different colors like dark red (threatening chat) or any other color, but as common use in server actions are colorful and chat is plain white. Sometimes people apply ‘&o [text/action]’ to make action ITALIC
Example:1669154505166.png
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  • Overall, actions can always be either plain text of speech, or plain action of physical move, emotional state. However, making a hybrid mix between verbal and physical actions is a bit easier as the text adds up one to another and character doesn’t look as much as of a robot, but it is not easiest task to achieve. From my experience, I overall advanced user of detailed actions. Many have pointed that out. Best to start actions from little, and then move slowly to bigger amount of texts, transforming your writing style into fluent roleplay that will astonish and buy your roleplay partner’s heart. It could be a small talk or referred to synergy of writing you have. Not everyone enjoys writing a lot of text as for some it gets boring, but with practice it can become quite a useful way of killing stress and making quality roleplay.

  • Whenever you will action detailly, you can spend multiple minutes of doing all action or just one bit of it. It is your responsibility to let /looc know that you are detailing as some with short patience, can take your temporary inactivity as AFK.



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Detailed action examples in suggested scenarios:

Combat action || delinquent spar would be happening in a local dojo hall.

/me &o As he took a small breath in and out he would fix his posture and make sharp stare at his opponent, he would roll his head around letting old bones give a crack sounds before he prepared knuckles in fighting grip &r ‘Alright baby, let’s get this dance rolling on fire, shall we?’ &e&o and do defensive walk forward, as he was in range he would throw a right hook which would be a warm up before doing a double kick leaping from ground and aiming first into solar center while other one would fly diagonally into side head causing opponent to fall down if hit. As he landed he would leap forward sending uppercut hook into opponent’s ribs causing them to lack air. He would finish his move and feel how sadistic and psychotic self of one would start burning deep inside, giving the grin wanting to break bones and taste the blood on hands.



Dancing action || Random B-Boy/Girl dance venue would be hosted in school, and students were invited for public showcase of dancing

/me &o As the music bass beat started to hit male would inhale and exhale before he straightened his spine and slowly loosened it adapting with the music vibes, male would bent his knees a bit to have more spacious and bouncy moves as he started to do small B-Boy style steps ahead doing small warm up along with music and hitting it with somewhat hot hip hope way. His face would have a confident smirk which would look rather attractive if looking at first making first image iconic. As Music started to hit on more louder male would start twisting his spine right and left 45 degrees and bounce walking in B style while having is hands doing cross moves to front and back to show somewhat introduction to dance which looked smooth and well aligned with music tempo. As male started making creative rhythmic flow with moves he would start doing cypher style Indian step for four counts and alleviate it to cross step for 6 counts before doing throw down doing a spin rotation while knee dropping and flipping around making their arms to lift up air and freeze for good few seconds. As male stopped in holding pose, his muscles would be showing really vein lines from pressure as slight sweat would be seem, which would also show evidence, he is enjoying himself and all people who were watching him. Male would then unfreeze as he lifted up using his hands as force center and launched himself up in air before landing on knees and getting back up performing some rocking moves along with the music hit as he then did a hook drop move going to break footwork. He would do some air kicks before doing a C hold freeze using elbows and then after few moments follow transitioning with spins using head as hold center for good few beats as he rocketed to power moves. Male would do Head spins moving it to smooth neck crack slide and windmilling with legs doing dynamic and rapid 360 rotations for half minute almost recreating 90s style vibes. As he dazingly swept to spinning flares from windmill he would do a handstand jumping up while having his legs pointed up and doing diagonal zigzag kick and as he landed down would do flares twice faster boosting himself up and after rapid spins and turns he would do acrobatic flip as he made launched up doing a millisecond bridge cross stance with back before doing side flip gathering himself in a ball shape and going up doing slow, but in neat way rotation up he would stand up in cross split way turning his back to opposite side looking at the viewers as he licked around lips, while doing slow bouncy walk following song beat like in the start he would lift his shirt using right arm revealing aesthetic abs that were almost shining from light. He’d make good few meters forward before turning back to main angle, male would switch his eye contact giving fired up sense as he started to run forward and as he stopped in middle he’d do small jump up putting all force into legs and back, landing on ground he’d rocket launch again up making a double flip as he hooked right leg making it diagonal flip and landed down on opposite knee finishing his dazzling performance on last beat count



Giving a back massage action || A calm weekend day in the apartment, one individual sat on the couch watching movie as another male walked the room complaining about shoulder pain and asked for a massage, person watching movie offered him his hand asking him to lay down in straight line avoiding any bad back strokes.. and so the one did.

/me &oMale would inhale and exhale before approaching the resting male. He would smile as he was glad he could have help out his overly depressed friend to forget exams and recent break up, feeling the confidence he would chuckle &r ‘Alright, now don’t expect anything magical, this is not your golden session with EMS docs, though I doubt they would even do it, maybe just ran quick muscle check. Anyways, close your eyes I will so give you a brotherly hand before your game this evening.’ &e&o Male would stretch his palms before sitting on the individual’s middle part of back, as he was shorter he’d stroll up a bit, before locating both hands on old crampy shoulders, pressing both identically viewing the muscle condition and joint state, turning his grin to cold and sharp like a knife he would begin the procedure. He would grip both shoulders inwarding both in and out with gentle force warming the muscles up before doing slow rotation into the shoulder blade side, spreading the ‘wings’, continuing this movement for good 15 minutes, before swapping the side of rotation and applying more force, he would play with the shoulders like a pastry, delving the force into joints, releasing the pressure and stressed muscle nerves. This would possibly be somewhat joyful moment for laying person as it wasn’t painful. &r ‘Alright, feeling better yet?’



Cooking action || Making a family lore, preparing a dish for relatives before the movie night

/me &o Male would wipe his hands before moving to the sink and taking out ingredients out of bag, stacking it in the bowl under the sink crane he would smile as excited to start cooking the long waiter dinner. He would thoroughly was of all dirt from vegetables and greeneries preparing them for cooking. Following he would peel and cut the onions into wedges, then peel and finely slice the garlic mashing it rather slow but applying gentle force enjoying the process as he felt butterflies giving the signal that the good start promises outstanding result. Individual would be then trimming the auberges and courgettis, deseed the peppers and chopped into approximately or closely to 2.5cm chunks applying mastered techniques of cutting from college. As process was moved male would give lusty look, as he roughly chopped the tomatoes into heart shape forms and letting wedges with diagonal cuts around sides, watching how part of tomato liquid part leaking and getting goosebumps. He would then pick the basil leaves and set aside, then finally sliced the stalks into appropriate amount. Dropping 2 tablespoons of oil in a large casserole pan with some Italian cherpil sauce over a medium heat, adding the chopped auberges, courgettis and peppers and fry for around 5 minutes, until food became golden and softened, cooking it thoroughly once again until it was perfect. Moving on, male spooned the cooked veg into a large bowl, turned back to the pan, adding the onion, garlic, basil stalks and thyme leaves with another drizzle of oil, for needed love and aroma. Fried all for 10 minutes, until it went golden and smooth. He would hear compliments from side as he smiled commenting &r ‘Thank you I am only getting started!’ &e&o… (following cooking)



Cleaning action || A messy would be left for female to clean, it would be covered in dirty clothes, spilled alcohol and liquor on floor, a massive cobweb hanging on the window… yet there was no sign of living ones?

/me &r ‘Goodness gracious, what the hell did happen here. . . ‘&e&o Female would sigh closing her eyes before inhaling and exhaling, she would slowly draw her hands, slipping both into one pair of very thick and elastic rubber, mentally preparing. As she went around over room with eyes before entering she would wrap her mask around neck by ear line, kneeling and grabbing the cleaning bucket with the needed equipment she would be confident, facing the hording evils in front of her. For good 30 minutes she would be separating useful clothes from not needed chugging ones to a black bag attached to the bucket and good ones into clothes basket by the bed. As she looked down at sticky floor she would feel like throwing up seeing spirits spilled on white cotton carpet.. &r ‘This kid… he doesn’t value what parents give him… I swear, mom is hearing about this…’ &e&o female would then spray the floor with multiple disinfection, antibacterial and bleach sprays, scrapping it using traditional Japanese rug and going around room until it was clean. After 40 minutes of general clean she would be left with the most questionable thing in the room, giant cobweb, female’s jaw dropped as she realized &r ‘if the creation of… whatever made this… is not here… where is-‘ &e&o suddenly she would see a giant cute Tarantula crawling out of radiator by the window slowly stretching it’s legs, female would get pale as she gave up on cleaning and ran out of room slamming door behind her.



Stretching action || A casual warm up in the sport team (e.g. baseball, basketball, football and more)

/me &o individual would close his eyes inhaling the oxygen and slowly exhaling before opening it and starting to do slow head roles, allowing neck exhibit its flexible spinal connection with neck warming up upper joins, repeating same cycle few times before swapping rolling sides. Following that individual would pull right arm one behind the head, keeping elbow angled upwards ensuring it doesn’t overstroke body and kept it in spot for few seconds, as his emotions slowly slid focused on the happening. He’d grab the elbow with left palm, slowly pulling it inward holding it for half a minute applying gentle pressure making it somewhat bouncy, gently pushing it down and as muscles gave sign would release the elbow into primary state. He would huff giving small pant &r ‘Mmm~ stony bones, getting stretched well.. &e&o He’d then recreate identical action with the left hand, in calm motion and repeating the pulsative strokes following breathing ‘in and out’ mirroring same actions few times before moving onto next stroke. Person’s body would be slowly warming up as he felt warmth going through his body inflating motivation and excitement for physical pressure as shivers slowly ran down his spine.



Throwing a javelin action || An example of detail roleplay you might need for tryouts in Track tryouts

/me &o Before doing anything male would dip his palms into chalk dust, then following he would grab javelin checking its thickness and weight before walking around with it slowly spinning around one shoulder back and forth while other hand held Javelin, he’d then swap hands and so same before standing on the throwing start point. Male would once again close his eyes for few seconds focusing on his goal, he would close his mind from unneeded thoughts as he got proper hold of Javelin. He would inhale and exhale 3 times letting the chest and lungs add up fuel to his strength following synced breathing he’d slowly bend both of his knees, placing right leg to the back of ground and left and front fixating the weight on both before slightly freeing his back and comprehendingly moving force from legs to torso to arms and slowly getting ready to leap off for the throw.. as few moments of physical preparation like a jaguar waiting last second he’d slowly applied all pressure on foot, while having full grip of Javelin targeting it to shooting like a spear he’d launch himself like a rocket, having blood pumping in veins he’d feel drive running in body as all neuroreceptors lead individual for task, almost like no one else was around only him, javelin and targeted area for shooting. Male kept almost perfect posture as he ran, storming in as he was almost at point of throwing he’d fixated his right leg putting all weight into it, giving like spiral inertion through body slowly enforcing all strength run from down to knees, hips, sides, chest, neck, shoulders and reactively throwing spear straight into air letting it fly height and hitting the high-point. As Javelin flew male would have made few rotative spins from all force he would put in it, giving rapid pants, slowly transforming it to slower pants letting chest recollect energy. Male would have somewhat excited smile giving slight shivers to those that looked at him as he showed his prime dominance in the throw.


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Credits:

NoSoul_
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References:

General Server rules and roleplay over time in the server.

https://schoolrp.net/rules/#post-145307
 

philbertman42

Level 146
philbertman42
philbertman42
Notable
Overall a good guide, but I'd like to criticize one section: the examples. As much as I hate to say it, though the actions you've written are detailed, they aren't of good quality. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say you're bad at roleplay by any means, just trying to point a few things out so that a fellow mineman can improve at our shared hobby. For the sake of convenience, I've spoiled a few sections and written my feedback on them. The points should apply to mostly everything, though I tried not to repeat anything for the sake of time.

Combat action || delinquent spar would be happening in a local dojo hall.

/me &o As he took a small breath in and out he would fix his posture and make sharp stare at his opponent, he would roll his head around letting old bones give a crack sounds before he prepared knuckles in fighting grip &r ‘Alright baby, let’s get this dance rolling on fire, shall we?’ &e&o and do defensive walk forward, as he was in range he would throw a right hook which would be a warm up before doing a double kick leaping from ground and aiming first into solar center while other one would fly diagonally into side head causing opponent to fall down if hit. As he landed he would leap forward sending uppercut hook into opponent’s ribs causing them to lack air. He would finish his move and feel how sadistic and psychotic self of one would start burning deep inside, giving the grin wanting to break bones and taste the blood on hands.
The majority of this action is comprised of one very long run-on sentence, which spans across five main actions, one of which includes dialogue. As a reader, it is difficult to read long passages, especially when there are many ideas that aren't categorized into specific sentences; the less your audience understands what your character is doing, the more confused they will be when they're trying to comprehend and respond, meaning they may not be able to work off of what you've provided.

Within this action, your word choice was very limited; while it's important to use a set of vocabulary that the average player would understand, it's just as necessary to use a varied choice of words so that each idea in your action feels unique and appealing. Throughout this example, you use "and" 7 times, as well as "he" 8 times. Other examples of repeated words are bones, head, opponent, hook, and forward. Instead of re-using words within the same action, you can add variation by using synonyms, or by utilizing a completely different sentence structure. Do note, this type of thing doesn't always apply, such as if you are utilizing parallel structure in your sentence.
Dancing action || Random B-Boy/Girl dance venue would be hosted in school, and students were invited for public showcase of dancing

/me &o As the music bass beat started to hit male would inhale and exhale before he straightened his spine and slowly loosened it adapting with the music vibes, male would bent his knees a bit to have more spacious and bouncy moves as he started to do small B-Boy style steps ahead doing small warm up along with music and hitting it with somewhat hot hip hope way. His face would have a confident smirk which would look rather attractive if looking at first making first image iconic. As Music started to hit on more louder male would start twisting his spine right and left 45 degrees and bounce walking in B style while having is hands doing cross moves to front and back to show somewhat introduction to dance which looked smooth and well aligned with music tempo. As male started making creative rhythmic flow with moves he would start doing cypher style Indian step for four counts and alleviate it to cross step for 6 counts before doing throw down doing a spin rotation while knee dropping and flipping around making their arms to lift up air and freeze for good few seconds. As male stopped in holding pose, his muscles would be showing really vein lines from pressure as slight sweat would be seem, which would also show evidence, he is enjoying himself and all people who were watching him. Male would then unfreeze as he lifted up using his hands as force center and launched himself up in air before landing on knees and getting back up performing some rocking moves along with the music hit as he then did a hook drop move going to break footwork. He would do some air kicks before doing a C hold freeze using elbows and then after few moments follow transitioning with spins using head as hold center for good few beats as he rocketed to power moves. Male would do Head spins moving it to smooth neck crack slide and windmilling with legs doing dynamic and rapid 360 rotations for half minute almost recreating 90s style vibes. As he dazingly swept to spinning flares from windmill he would do a handstand jumping up while having his legs pointed up and doing diagonal zigzag kick and as he landed down would do flares twice faster boosting himself up and after rapid spins and turns he would do acrobatic flip as he made launched up doing a millisecond bridge cross stance with back before doing side flip gathering himself in a ball shape and going up doing slow, but in neat way rotation up he would stand up in cross split way turning his back to opposite side looking at the viewers as he licked around lips, while doing slow bouncy walk following song beat like in the start he would lift his shirt using right arm revealing aesthetic abs that were almost shining from light. He’d make good few meters forward before turning back to main angle, male would switch his eye contact giving fired up sense as he started to run forward and as he stopped in middle he’d do small jump up putting all force into legs and back, landing on ground he’d rocket launch again up making a double flip as he hooked right leg making it diagonal flip and landed down on opposite knee finishing his dazzling performance on last beat count
Way, WAY too long. If you wanted to put this into minecraft, it would take a full 12 messages, and though I haven't tested it for myself, I doubt it would fit within the full span of a full unmodded chat history.

Assuming you type at the above-average rate of 70 WPM and didn't stop writing for even one second, this would take a staggering eight minutes to complete, then about another two minutes for your audience to go through. That's a full ten minutes of time between interaction, which in a fast-paced community like SRP, really doesn't fly (outside of certain friend groups). Perhaps your intention was just to show start to finish how roleplay in this scenario may look, but the way you framed it seemed like you're trying to get other people to do this, which... No.

A lot of what you've written is uninteresting and doesn't serve to further develop roleplay. In most literate roleplay communities where you're expected to write long and detailed actions, you aren't required to write more than what is necessary for your audience to understand the basic gist of what your character is doing. Long, fluffed up actions are frowned upon, since nobody cares about minute details that are irrelevant to the plot, such as the precise positioning of limbs. Our brains will automatically fill in any blanks you've left, your objective as an author is to simply paint a picture and steer us in the right direction. Though, you shouldn't mistake this observation of mine as a pass at your abilities as a writer; in fact, I was able to learn a good deal about your character just based on what you've written, such as his heightened rythmic prowess, exaggerated swagger, and subtly erotic arrogance. It has plenty of good content that has the potential to be really engaging, it just needs to be framed in a more interesting way.
Throwing a javelin action || An example of detail roleplay you might need for tryouts in Track tryouts

/me &o Before doing anything male would dip his palms into chalk dust, then following he would grab javelin checking its thickness and weight before walking around with it slowly spinning around one shoulder back and forth while other hand held Javelin, he’d then swap hands and so same before standing on the throwing start point. Male would once again close his eyes for few seconds focusing on his goal, he would close his mind from unneeded thoughts as he got proper hold of Javelin. He would inhale and exhale 3 times letting the chest and lungs add up fuel to his strength following synced breathing he’d slowly bend both of his knees, placing right leg to the back of ground and left and front fixating the weight on both before slightly freeing his back and comprehendingly moving force from legs to torso to arms and slowly getting ready to leap off for the throw.. as few moments of physical preparation like a jaguar waiting last second he’d slowly applied all pressure on foot, while having full grip of Javelin targeting it to shooting like a spear he’d launch himself like a rocket, having blood pumping in veins he’d feel drive running in body as all neuroreceptors lead individual for task, almost like no one else was around only him, javelin and targeted area for shooting. Male kept almost perfect posture as he ran, storming in as he was almost at point of throwing he’d fixated his right leg putting all weight into it, giving like spiral inertion through body slowly enforcing all strength run from down to knees, hips, sides, chest, neck, shoulders and reactively throwing spear straight into air letting it fly height and hitting the high-point. As Javelin flew male would have made few rotative spins from all force he would put in it, giving rapid pants, slowly transforming it to slower pants letting chest recollect energy. Male would have somewhat excited smile giving slight shivers to those that looked at him as he showed his prime dominance in the throw.
I have a bit of authority with this type of action since I maintained a position on the high school track team for the better part of 2.5 years, spending most of one of them as its captain. My initial reaction is that it's phenomenal content-wise, you've made great use of descriptive language and metaphorical imagery to paint a mostly clear picture of what your character is doing, all while including many key informative elements of what an actual javelin thrower would be doing throughout the event.

My one concern is conciseness, along with the other things I've already mentioned in previous sections. Especially in actions with a lot of content, you need to summarize what you're saying in as few words as possible, and try to connect your ideas so that they fit into as few sentences as possible (while taking caution not to write run-ons).

As a bit of an exercise for myself and (hopefully) a point of reference for you and/or anybody who's looking to improve, I've made your action more concise while keeping the content as similar as possible. Hopefully this doesn't come off as too much of a dick move, my intention is to provide an example of some of the things I'm talking about.

Nobu Sakiyama dips his palms into some chalk, claps off the excess, then collects a javelin before strolling up to the starting line. He takes a moment to solidify his focus, steady his breathing, mentally prepare himself, then eventually settle into a well-practiced starting position with the spear set firmly on his shoulder... And then, he waits; much like a jaguar who waits for the perfect moment to pounce, Nobu sits stagnant... Then abruptly, he takes off with the explosive force of a rocket, maintaining excellent form as he barrels down the track! The boy quickly approaches the end of the lane, and utilizing his entire body, he drives his weight into planting his foot down, rears his arm back, and launches the javelin to the sky! As a result of the throw, Nobu is sent into a stumbling fit as he desperately tries to remain in bounds; and though he was left tirelessly panting as he regained his bearings, an unmistakable grin was proof enough of the pride he felt as he watched the javelin soar through the air.


Roleplay is a cooperative medium where people build off of what one another are doing. If your actions become too long, it becomes difficult to work off of, which leads to a less engaging time for both sides.

A lot of your actions feel more like I'm reading a novel instead of prose for roleplay. Given the context of a guide where you're displaying what detailed roleplay could look like, these should probably reflect what the average player who is detailing actions in real time would produce.

I like the Sternberg style triangle, it's actually a really good baseline for anybody writing an action of any length; 100% will keep this in mind for myself / others.

General rule of thumb that I can't stress enough, more ≠ better. Skill and literacy is not tied to the length of your action, but instead how it is expressed.

(This should also probably have been posted in the Community Guides section, maybe DM a staff member to fix or something)

Sorry for hijacking your guide with an essay, I meant to type like a paragraph or two and now it's been like three and a half hours, oops. Also sorry if any of this sounds preachy or comes off as rude, I just wanted to express my thoughts and criticisms; hopefully, I managed to do that in an at least mostly positive way.
 
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JustJuiceHex

Level 96
JustJuiceHex
JustJuiceHex
Rich+
Thread starter
I do appreciate your words! Thank you a lot.

It was just proposal and speed written. While I don't put high quality detail rp I did cover basic overview from my notices.
 
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JustJuiceHex

Level 96
JustJuiceHex
JustJuiceHex
Rich+
Thread starter
Overall a good guide, but I'd like to criticize one section: the examples. As much as I hate to say it, though the actions you've written are detailed, they aren't of good quality. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say you're bad at roleplay by any means, just trying to point a few things out so that a fellow mineman can improve at our shared hobby. For the sake of convenience, I've spoiled a few sections and written my feedback on them. The points should apply to mostly everything, though I tried not to repeat anything for the sake of time.

The majority of this action is comprised of one very long run-on sentence, which spans across five main actions, one of which includes dialogue. As a reader, it is difficult to read long passages, especially when there are many ideas that aren't categorized into specific sentences; the less your audience understands what your character is doing, the more confused they will be when they're trying to comprehend and respond, meaning they may not be able to work off of what you've provided.

Within this action, your word choice was very limited; while it's important to use a set of vocabulary that the average player would understand, it's just as necessary to use a varied choice of words so that each idea in your action feels unique and appealing. Throughout this example, you use "and" 7 times, as well as "he" 8 times. Other examples of repeated words are bones, head, opponent, hook, and forward. Instead of re-using words within the same action, you can add variation by using synonyms, or by utilizing a completely different sentence structure. Do note, this type of thing doesn't always apply, such as if you are utilizing parallel structure in your sentence.
Way, WAY too long. If you wanted to put this into minecraft, it would take a full 12 messages, and though I haven't tested it for myself, I doubt it would fit within the full span of a full unmodded chat history.

Assuming you type at the above-average rate of 70 WPM and didn't stop writing for even one second, this would take a staggering eight minutes to complete, then about another two minutes for your audience to go through. That's a full ten minutes of time between interaction, which in a fast-paced community like SRP, really doesn't fly (outside of certain friend groups). Perhaps your intention was just to show start to finish how roleplay in this scenario may look, but the way you framed it seemed like you're trying to get other people to do this, which... No.

A lot of what you've written is uninteresting and doesn't serve to further develop roleplay. In most literate roleplay communities where you're expected to write long and detailed actions, you aren't required to write more than what is necessary for your audience to understand the basic gist of what your character is doing. Long, fluffed up actions are frowned upon, since nobody cares about minute details that are irrelevant to the plot, such as the precise positioning of limbs. Our brains will automatically fill in any blanks you've left, your objective as an author is to simply paint a picture and steer us in the right direction. Though, you shouldn't mistake this observation of mine as a pass at your abilities as a writer; in fact, I was able to learn a good deal about your character just based on what you've written, such as his heightened rythmic prowess, exaggerated swagger, and subtly erotic arrogance. It has plenty of good content that has the potential to be really engaging, it just needs to be framed in a more interesting way.
I have a bit of authority with this type of action since I maintained a position on the high school track team for the better part of 2.5 years, spending most of one of them as its captain. My initial reaction is that it's phenomenal content-wise, you've made great use of descriptive language and metaphorical imagery to paint a mostly clear picture of what your character is doing, all while including many key informative elements of what an actual javelin thrower would be doing throughout the event.

My one concern is conciseness, along with the other things I've already mentioned in previous sections. Especially in actions with a lot of content, you need to summarize what you're saying in as few words as possible, and try to connect your ideas so that they fit into as few sentences as possible (while taking caution not to write run-ons).

As a bit of an exercise for myself and (hopefully) a point of reference for you and/or anybody who's looking to improve, I've made your action more concise while keeping the content as similar as possible. Hopefully this doesn't come off as too much of a dick move, my intention is to provide an example of some of the things I'm talking about.

Nobu Sakiyama dips his palms into some chalk, claps off the excess, then collects a javelin before strolling up to the starting line. He takes a moment to solidify his focus, steady his breathing, mentally prepare himself, then eventually settle into a well-practiced starting position with the spear set firmly on his shoulder... And then, he waits; much like a jaguar who waits for the perfect moment to pounce, Nobu sits stagnant... Then abruptly, he takes off with the explosive force of a rocket, maintaining excellent form as he barrels down the track! The boy quickly approaches the end of the lane, and utilizing his entire body, he drives his weight into planting his foot down, rears his arm back, and launches the javelin to the sky! As a result of the throw, Nobu is sent into a stumbling fit as he desperately tries to remain in bounds; and though he was left tirelessly panting as he regained his bearings, an unmistakable grin was proof enough of the pride he felt as he watched the javelin soar through the air.


Roleplay is a cooperative medium where people build off of what one another are doing. If your actions become too long, it becomes difficult to work off of, which leads to a less engaging time for both sides.

A lot of your actions feel more like I'm reading a novel instead of prose for roleplay. Given the context of a guide where you're displaying what detailed roleplay could look like, these should probably reflect what the average player who is detailing actions in real time would produce.

I like the Sternberg style triangle, it's actually a really good baseline for anybody writing an action of any length; 100% will keep this in mind for myself / others.

General rule of thumb that I can't stress enough, more ≠ better. Skill and literacy is not tied to the length of your action, but instead how it is expressed.

(This should also probably have been posted in the Community Guides section, maybe DM a staff member to fix or something)

Sorry for hijacking your guide with an essay, I meant to type like a paragraph or two and now it's been like three and a half hours, oops. Also sorry if any of this sounds preachy or comes off as rude, I just wanted to express my thoughts and criticisms; hopefully, I managed to do that in an at least mostly positive way.
Read the purpose part of the guide and my notices from the table. I did mention the input with simple sentences that might be boring. That is main reason I did it.
If I put well elevated detail rp, people would be confused. Thus I put long actions to show capacity of what can you do.
I'm my opinion, this way better then writing good and liaised actions as they can confuse people and not give a hint how to start actions.
 

Ghostfire

Level 105
GhostfireSwords
GhostfireSwords
Notable+
Really good guide, I love the effort you put into it. Might use some of the things you mentioned as well lmao
 

Lizalopod

Level 130
Liz tip: you don't need to fill your action up with a million words, it'll just make it harder to read. There's a happy medium in between /me stabs carotid and excessive detailrp!

Nice guide tho btw
 

JustJuiceHex

Level 96
JustJuiceHex
JustJuiceHex
Rich+
Thread starter
I like it, I'm pro detailrper now. I can now be the owner, and and cheerleader of both teams, and and have all the roles, I'll /me them in a rap battle, throw them into the air, proceed to wait for it by praying to Kami as Shrine, as they come back I'll proceed to turn my right leg as I look deeply into their eyes, as I simply said &f"Lol, do better loser" &6as I deeply kick their nose with my foot, I proceed to make them lay on the floor, as I turn around and and I will tea bag them


Do you like how pro I am now?
Love it!
Say yes btw, I'm pretty shy but my character is a shy person that can detailrp like craazy and can always win

Also, nice guideline. W
Thank you :3!
Liz tip: you don't need to fill your action up with a million words, it'll just make it harder to read. There's a happy medium in between /me stabs carotid and excessive detailrp!

Nice guide tho btw
Short actions slap, /me steals Liz's Christmas phone and sets alarm music for 5 am 'Teletubby world'
tyyy though! Love you Liz :D!
 

gatekeeper

Level 10
totalmisplay
totalmisplay
Rich
decent guide, there are areas to improve of course

first of all i should mention that good writing is subjective, and the point of roleplay is for all parties to have a good time. you are free to disregard my two cents if you feel our definitions of 'detailed' do not correspond.

okay let us commence
i find your action triangle very useful, however i do not see it being utilized to its best potential in the examples provided. all the actions written are physically-concentrated, leaving little room for the other two angles. (verbal action is unnecessary in certain scenarios so i am putting that aside for now) the awkward flow of words also generates verbose lines of text, and while detail is appreciated, there is a line that marks the point of too much detail. also, avoid repeating "s/he would (...)", as this creates repetitive sentences that get boring to read. the vocabulary used could also be expanded. here's an example:

"She would see a giant cute Tarantula crawling out of radiator by the window slowly stretching its legs."
try:
"Creeping beyond the miniscule cracks between the radiator's dusty fins, hairy limbs unbending into the light, her field of vision distinguished the beastly figure of a giant Tarantula by the window, inching its way towards her."

fear, is the implied emotion this situation invokes in the character, as displayed by your follow-up: "Female would get pale as she gave up on cleaning and ran out of room slamming door behind her." your action should show so. in this scenario, your goal should be to paint the trigger (the tarantula) as threatening as possible for it to trigger the following reaction(running out of the room). a lot of these actions lack the consideration for their triggers in question, they just...move. while not all triggers have to be related to emotion, it's not too exciting to read a paragraph comprised of "He stepped into the library. He browsed the shelves. He found a book he liked.". transitions through sentences are very important in order to not make your paragraph read as flat. be creative with your structures.

another thing i wanted to add, there is another factor you should consider incorporating: what does this say about the character?
reading the actions and examples provided, it's difficult to tell what exactly the personalities and characteristics of the actors are, besides inferring their roles and occupations from the scenarios. oh, and explicitly stated emotions.

"He would finish his move and feel how sadistic and psychotic self of one would start burning deep inside."
...you can't exactly SEE that, can you? instead of saying how a character feels(or displays a part of their character), tell that through their actions. take handwriting for example.

(A) "He dragged the pen down, hard, inscribing his name in sharp, bold letters. The writing occupied a third of the entire page."
(B) "She lightly pinned the nib of the pen to the paper, unsteady hands spelling her name out. The ink barely made contact, and the size of her timid, round handwriting made it indistinguishable without a squint."
(C) "They callously navigated the blank page with their pen, their irregular lettering tainting the white paper. Their scrambled words were completely indecipherable."

(A) is confident/bold.
(B) is uneasy/apprehensive. why is that? a character's circumstances may be hinted at or displayed through their actions. is B an undercover agent who just forgot her cover name?
(C) is disorganized. or, you might be able to convey a character's role through action, because... C is a doctor!

some of these points have already been represented through your examples, however i feel it necessary for them to be explained together. overall ok guide, but don't write 10 line paragraphs. your roleplay partner will be married with kids by the time you're done.

oh, and writing's not that easy, but grammarly can h-*gets shot*
there are a ton of grammatical errors in the examples AND explanations. not to be a youtube ad, but grammarly really does help.
 

JustJuiceHex

Level 96
JustJuiceHex
JustJuiceHex
Rich+
Thread starter
decent guide, there are areas to improve of course

first of all i should mention that good writing is subjective, and the point of roleplay is for all parties to have a good time. you are free to disregard my two cents if you feel our definitions of 'detailed' do not correspond.

okay let us commence
i find your action triangle very useful, however i do not see it being utilized to its best potential in the examples provided. all the actions written are physically-concentrated, leaving little room for the other two angles. (verbal action is unnecessary in certain scenarios so i am putting that aside for now) the awkward flow of words also generates verbose lines of text, and while detail is appreciated, there is a line that marks the point of too much detail. also, avoid repeating "s/he would (...)", as this creates repetitive sentences that get boring to read. the vocabulary used could also be expanded. here's an example:

"She would see a giant cute Tarantula crawling out of radiator by the window slowly stretching its legs."
try:
"Creeping beyond the miniscule cracks between the radiator's dusty fins, hairy limbs unbending into the light, her field of vision distinguished the beastly figure of a giant Tarantula by the window, inching its way towards her."

fear, is the implied emotion this situation invokes in the character, as displayed by your follow-up: "Female would get pale as she gave up on cleaning and ran out of room slamming door behind her." your action should show so. in this scenario, your goal should be to paint the trigger (the tarantula) as threatening as possible for it to trigger the following reaction(running out of the room). a lot of these actions lack the consideration for their triggers in question, they just...move. while not all triggers have to be related to emotion, it's not too exciting to read a paragraph comprised of "He stepped into the library. He browsed the shelves. He found a book he liked.". transitions through sentences are very important in order to not make your paragraph read as flat. be creative with your structures.

another thing i wanted to add, there is another factor you should consider incorporating: what does this say about the character?
reading the actions and examples provided, it's difficult to tell what exactly the personalities and characteristics of the actors are, besides inferring their roles and occupations from the scenarios. oh, and explicitly stated emotions.

"He would finish his move and feel how sadistic and psychotic self of one would start burning deep inside."
...you can't exactly SEE that, can you? instead of saying how a character feels(or displays a part of their character), tell that through their actions. take handwriting for example.

(A) "He dragged the pen down, hard, inscribing his name in sharp, bold letters. The writing occupied a third of the entire page."
(B) "She lightly pinned the nib of the pen to the paper, unsteady hands spelling her name out. The ink barely made contact, and the size of her timid, round handwriting made it indistinguishable without a squint."
(C) "They callously navigated the blank page with their pen, their irregular lettering tainting the white paper. Their scrambled words were completely indecipherable."

(A) is confident/bold.
(B) is uneasy/apprehensive. why is that? a character's circumstances may be hinted at or displayed through their actions. is B an undercover agent who just forgot her cover name?
(C) is disorganized. or, you might be able to convey a character's role through action, because... C is a doctor!

some of these points have already been represented through your examples, however i feel it necessary for them to be explained together. overall ok guide, but don't write 10 line paragraphs. your roleplay partner will be married with kids by the time you're done.

oh, and writing's not that easy, but grammarly can h-*gets shot*
there are a ton of grammatical errors in the examples AND explanations. not to be a youtube ad, but grammarly really does help.
Thank you for advice but I already pointed out why I used simple and plain examples :D on the following reply below.
There is a number of grammar mistakes yes, I noticed it before posting. In addition, as bilingual I could have corrected with help of AI, but I personally despise use of AI (I would rather ask someone I trust more) helping system, don't get me wrong but even Grammarly can't correct 100% of the writing [in fact it was evidence shown it corrects 70% of written essays and etc.]. Though again it is SRP forums, and it was written on leisure time. If I spent more than 3 days on it, I would have probably presented better performance. My sincere regards if that brought your expectations down.

And I did point out that lengthy detailing is kind of frustrating to use, not exaggerated too much but if person doesn't let you know that they are detailing or actioning something it does get boring, I could agree with the statement. Though all people have different writing speeds, and it is not a harm to multi-task while performing detail roleplaying. You can play two games at the same time, or do easy writing tasks from academic sides, maybe planning out your schedule for upcoming week. Adapting with what you have is unique skill, and in my experience it works well. Alternative to the case is to spilt actions in fewer sentences adding more (+) to allow rp partner catch up with what is planned so they could start their own actions while waiting for one to finish. However, this part does get tricky and frustrating at times, so unless you are trained in short rhetorical speaking I can't suggest to use it often. There are multitude of reasons to it, but I do believe, you already know it.

And having green material posted, one that is not shaped and worked till end is way better, it brings more people to comment their own experience and discuss it well.


Thanks in advance!

Read the purpose part of the guide and my notices from the table. I did mention the input with simple sentences that might be boring. That is main reason I did it.
If I put well elevated detail rp, people would be confused. Thus I put long actions to show capacity of what can you do.
I'm my opinion, this way better then writing good and liaised actions as they can confuse people and not give a hint how to start actions.
 

Infi

Level 148
Moderator
Government Lead
Builder
oInfi
oInfi
Omega+
Infi tip: just roleplay the way YOU want to. There’s no right or wrong. If you want to send a wall of text do so, if you want to send a 2 word action then do that. Even the medium is okay. The term “DetailRP” is a term I personally despise as it means multiple things and is blown out of context 9 times out of 10.

(Nice guide tho)
 

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