Good day, isn’t it? No it’s not. It’s Karakura. Everyday is a bad day! But that’s not what this report is about. Maybe the next report, eh? Anyways, this is Eichi Blackburn, world’s best journalist and clearly better than those reporters!
I’ve seen recently that the Basketball Teams are going through a rough time, whoof. That sucks for them. But even though I have my resentment towards the teams, I still feel pity for them. That’s why, this report… is going to be about… you guessed it, BASKETBALL!
But Eichi! Your last report was on Basketball too! This is so repetitive! No. Go !@$# yourself. That was the basketball TOURNAMENT. Completely different. Plus, I’ve just rejoined the journalism club from my epic break, no better than the past… or however the motto goes. I don’t know.
A video recording would begin to play…
“Anywaysss!! Basketball! Where I…. didn’t start out. Yeahhh, I was on the team for a day… and I didn’t really like it? But like… hey, I’m still a !@#$ing god at basketball.”
Eichi would take an attempt at a full court shot and miss. At that moment. The video cut out to a new, similar clip of Eichi doing the same move but making the shot.
“The teams aren’t as bad as I’m describing, I promise. Hey, maybe this team is a bit toxic, or that team is a bit too… extreme (cough cough, college males) but they’re the best teams there are! And I think they deserve a lot more recognition for that. They’re highly underrated when it comes to social interaction. Why should the Basketball Team be diminished more than the other teams?”
“There’s some honorable mentions I’d like to point out… one sec-”
The clip would cut to Eichi holding a clipboard with some notes on it. He proceeded to read it out loud.
“First things first… Best player? I have no idea. But Kwon and Akashi both are absolute machines when it comes to basketball. My opinion? Kwon is more of a ‘#$@! it’ guy. He does things absolutely randomly. But Akashi is more of a strategic guy. He’s overthinking way too much for a sport but somehow, it works out. So, I’ll give ‘em a tie. They’re both assholes though. Weird that they’re both captains.”
Eichi took that piece of paper off the clipboard and rolled it into a ball, doing a half-court shot with it. Then, he proceeded to read off the next page.
“Zhou Ichirou! This guy’s a beast. Definitely could compete with me. Insane defense, though I feel like he goes for too many dunks. Bad habit. And Keisuke… Endo…? He’s got a solid defense. Definitely good enough for tournaments.”
Eichi, once again, took that piece of paper and rolled it up into a ball, attempting a shot with it. Below that revealed one last piece of paper, with giant text and an absolutely visible scent of narcissism.
“And most importantly, myself! I’m an absolute weapon when it comes to sports. Especially basketball. Absolute. Weapon. Clearly the best on this entire list. Anyways, that’s everyone… I can think of right now… WAIT! NO! Den Celestiasume. He’s soooo good! Everyone, if you ever see him on the street, challenge him to a game, he’ll absolutely DESTROY you!”
“These guys could create a whole new legacy in basketball. Maybe you could be a part of it. Watch out, Yamato Ozaki. They’re comin’ for you!”
The moral of this report? Get good at basketball and I’ll put you in a report (maybe.) or just an interesting sport. Next report? Football? Volleyball? I’m running out of ideas, comment below! This is Eichi Blackburn… signing out!!!
Suddenly, a voice audio would play, with a mysterious voice… Was that… Akashi Seijirou? Could it be?
“Be careful who you trust…”
