Surrounding Effects
30 December 2024 / Written by FLAY Ming-Akori
30 December 2024 / Written by FLAY Ming-Akori
Be Yourself
As you begin to get older, you may notice a pattern. A common piece of advice: “be yourself.” It’s said everywhere to everything. Interview? Application? Meeting new people? On a date? Be yourself. However, I must ask, what makes you “yourself?”Not as Easy as it Looks
Nature vs Nurture
We all are born with some predetermined features. Something called genetic code. Hair color, eye color, height, all that good stuff. That can and will determine a lot of things when it comes to being yourself.There’s also the nurture aspect of it all. Not too clear about this one, so: personalities, experiences, things learned, emotions? Things that build up over time, basically!
Both contribute to “being yourself” and apparently that’s the best when it comes to advice!
People and Girlfriends
Now moving on to the interesting part. People (and girlfriends). Who you meet influences who you are and what you do, a lot. Just ask a psychology textbook.There was an experiment, where people were in a waiting room, and a person was planted to stand up and sit down repeatedly for no reason. Weird right? But an unexpected turn, where the person next to him started doing it at the same pace! Both of them, standing up and sitting down, over and over again. But wait, there’s more. Now 4 people, and 5! It keeps going too, now everyone is doing it! Is it because they wanted to fit in? Did they think something was happening and wanted to see? Was it instinct? Humans are social creatures, we want to fit in to crowds, must be why, right?
Moving on! In school, you meet a lot of people. Jocks, bullies, loud cheerleaders, clubs, friends, and.. Girlfriends! Jocks influence you to toughen up, bullies teach you to be aware of surroundings, and cheerleaders influence you to dance (sometimes?). Clubs influence you to do many things.. It depends. Friends influence you, depending if they’re good people or not.. Same with girlfriends (and other partners, but I’m focusing on GIRLFRIENDS).
Meet the wrong people and you may turn towards the wrong paths, which will cause the infamous “be yourself” advice to be thrown out the window.
An Anecdote: What to Avoid
New year, new me. The celebration was happening and I came alone. After the fireworks, I see none other than a friend, a fellow club member! Lets call her Luminous; Lumi for short. I wanted to catch up, see how she’s doing. We talked for a bit and I found out she has a GIRLFRIEND. Congratulations (you know who you are). However, some apples are rotten, and Lumi found herself right in the middle of a bucket of rotten apples. Her girlfriend, let's call her “The Girlfriend.” The other apples are her friends. Let's go with “The Friend” and “The Other Friends.” Simple enough. Lumi introduces me, as a friend would, and The Girlfriend calls me the wrong name. Lots of people, she must’ve misheard. Y’know, it happens. But when I correct her, she keeps going, calling me the wrong name.The most fundamental way of disrespect is calling someone the wrong name, so first of all, take it from me. Do not do that. Don’t purposefully get people’s identities wrong. Names, pronouns, that stuff.
Anyways, that shows you the type of person she is. Disrespectful, mean, bully. And what happens when you hang around (and date!) a person like that? I’ll tell you!
Lumi was an energetic person. She would run around school in an animal onesie (won’t say which one) and go out of her way to fight for what’s right in school. The rules can be crazy around school, and she made sure she was heard. She didn’t attend detention because she was wearing warm pajamas during winter, and she brought it up on a school podcast (again, won’t say which).
She was passionate and had long colorful dyed hair to match her personality. I liked Lumi, she was fun. She even convinced me to get my own animal onesie with her. She was bright and happy, seemingly kind-hearted. She had a name she went by: Luminous! It fit her, we liked it.
Flash forward to her getting a girlfriend! Lumi dyed her hair back to dirty brown (ew). No colors, no personality. Her personality shifted over time. Her passion was only thrown in The Girlfriend's direction, as if she was hypnotized to “only love her” and “Do what I say.” She is definitely in a toxic relationship. She hasn’t even worn her onesie either! Lumi isn’t bright and happy, which showed when she was (most likely forced) to change her whole name! Once Lumi, now an empty shell of her former self. I haven’t spoken to anyone else about it, but I’m sure they feel the same.
The Girlfriend CHANGED her. Her influence caused Lumi, The Friend, and The Other Friends to back her up like those lead bullies you see on TV. It’s sickening.
Know the signs! If you’re not enjoying what you once did or are acting much different than you were a month ago, something needs to change. These are DRASTIC steps from what once were. Don’t turn out like Lumi, don’t let your friends, partners, or other people change you!
BE YOURSELF, and if yourself changes because of people, AVOID THEM.
What to do?
KNOW THE SIGNS - Lumi’s situation is obvious. Changing what you wear, how to look, and YOUR ACTUAL NAME are signs of you needing to GET OUT. And don’t forget to:LISTEN TO PEOPLE - If outside people talk to you about “are you feeling alright lately” or “you’re acting different” or “I never see you anymore,” LISTEN TO THEM. Think about it, and:
AVOID THEM - Avoid the people who control you! Avoid the bad influences! Get out of the situation and DUMP THEM (friends and partners).
What if..
It’s not all bad. There are also some GOOD influences! Healthy relationships that bring the best out, friend groups that welcome the new kid in their lunch tables. Those influences are GOOD. It takes “be yourself” and allows you to come out of your shell and have some fun! Look for those people!Some good signs are:
PEOPLE WHO INCLUDE YOU - Lunch tables, games, groups, anything! If they say “Hey, come join us, we’d love to see you!” They are GOOD influences.
PEOPLE IN ENCOURAGE YOU - Can be fashion, looks, or interests! If they say things like “Well done” or “I’m happy for you,” they are good people.
