SRP Social Struggles — Part 2

[OEightOne]

TIME FOR A LITTLE ESSAY​

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For those who want to read part 1:
SRP Social Struggles — Part 1

In April I made a post about sharing something I personally struggle to find a place on SRP. This is a follow up post. I talked about returning, feeling like groups were already formed and how it can be to settle when you're not the most socially confident person in the room. I write these for people to relate to. I've made a lot of SRP friends since then. People I enjoy talking to, writing with and laughing with. I've had genuine moments that felt warm again, where I didn't feel like I was just wandering the map looking where to stand.

Even then after building friendships, there were still moments of exclusions. Situations where plans happened without me, until I spoke up. Where I logged on and saw everyone together somewhere else, without an invitation. Where people I was talking to every day, started talking to someone else every day. A new circle started forming with the same people, maybe some extra, just slowly without me. It wasn't always intentional, just timing. Other times it felt more direct, people telling me to shoo away OOCly or being left on read. Where someone sends an 'I love you' to the group and everyone answered, but if you did the same, nobody did.

It's strange how you can feel included one week and invisible the next.

I now also have a full time job. I can't sit around during peak hours. I'm not there when the big roleplays start. I'm not around the 'everyone's online' moments. Activity dropped and with it, a lot of social interaction.

SRP moves fast. If you're not present during the most active times, you miss developments, dynamics, friendship strengthen and then when you come back later, it can feel that all you're trying to do is catch up. People are nice enough to talk about it here and there, but they already lived through the moment, they don't want to tell every single detail. Consistency matters so much in this digital space and when you cannot show up like you used to, you're not being thought of as often.

I don't blame anyone for living on their schedules. I don't expect people to pause their interactions, but it always changes how connections feels.
I have thought a lot about what I was really trying to say in that post. It's not social anxiety. I'm not scared to approach people. The issue isn't fear. Sometimes people just don't want to be approached, unless you're in their circle and even then, maybe they don't want that. SRP can feel very established in parts and if you don't organically click from the start, it can take a long time. Some of us just need a little more room to breathe before we can 'shine.'

With me friendship paradox also played a lot. Where it can be that the two friends I interact with daily have plenty of other friends they can interact with when I'm not there.

The friendship paradox is the phenomenon first observed by the sociologist Scott L. Feld in 1991 that on average, an individual's friends have more friends than that individual. It can be explained as a form of sampling bias in which people with more friends are more likely to be in one's own friend group. In other words, one is less likely to be friends with someone who has very few friends. In contradiction to this, most people believe that they have more friends than their friends have.

People also bond through frequency and proximity. The more you interact, the stronger the connection tend to feel. The more we see someone, the more familiar they become. It's not really rejection, just less exposure.

It doesn't mean I've given up at all if anything, it made it clearer about what I value on SRP. I don't need to be part of every event, don't need to be part of every call. I just value effort that goes both way, where we accept the other is busy and that when you hop back on, you can still go on, not trying to catch up. Life is growing up and you're not alone.

Maybe this is healthier for me. Everything now forces quality over quantity. I'm still here. and if you're just like me, slightly out of sync with the main wave, it doesn't really mean you're behind. Be patient and accept the world doesn't fully run the way we all want to.

The positive thing about this shift is I started getting online less, going outside more, hanging out with my family, even if it's just sitting outside of my room while we all are watching something on our own screen. For some reason I feel more at peace, the less I started caring about this stuff. Of course, I still want to hang around with people online instead of aimlessly run around, but instead of running around, I turn off my PC and go play with my cat. Life can be simple and complicated both ways.

And if you relate in any way, shape or form, don't be scared to post under this your own experiences and even if you don't relate, post something what you see in SRP. It's good to read about different ways people experience social struggles.

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A thank you to my friends, who helped me realize that I'm not that bad.
__Britishness__
flowersak
SumthingStrange
Anubaraka44
GuestGuest9
lumaflies
Lycheeru
Twenie1
6car4ace
_BritishAutism_​

 

[flowersak]

I love you one of my closest friends

 

[Yonio]

First and foremost, I'm so glad you came out and put all these thoughts into words. I know a lot of people who feel the same way, but they either feel like their situation isn't worth talking about or can't find the right words to express themselves.

Fear of missing out and social exclusion are real issues in the digital space; not just in SRP, but in pretty much any community that promotes social interaction. It is an inherently human behavior that, as you pointed out, tends to worsen online. Sadly, there isn't an easy way to change this overnight. However, rather than pointing fingers at anyone or any specific groups to shift the blame onto a specific figure, it's the community as a whole who must take the responsibility to promote a better and more welcoming environment for everyone.

Going back to the main topic, I feel like a big contributor to this phenomenon is taking IC into OOC. This can manifest in many ways:

• Taking in-character drama, combat, brawls, or rivalries into OOC by extending these conflicts into out-of-character channels
• Spreading rumors and gossip culture, which can very easily scar someone's reputation
• Forming social bubbles based on IC groups and excluding anyone who isn't (or is unable to) participate in a specific RP practice (e.g., factions, sports, gangs)

As you've mentioned, this exclusion is often so subtle that there isn't an easy way to address it. Sometimes it involves ignoring DMs or replying in a cold manner, involving staff in matters that could be resolved by simply talking things out, or intentionally ignoring in-character attempts to socialize with exclusive social circles.

Again, this isn't about pointing fingers or feeling shame or guilt over one's actions. I myself have been witness to and even engaged in some of these actions at some points. Stopping these practices can only be achieved gradually by steadily guiding the community in a better direction and reminding everyone that drama and gossip simply aren't worth it.

Also off topic but the dissertation-like format you used activated my university student sleeper agent

 

[urufu]

I get you completely when it comes to feeling out of place on SRP. A lot of the time, everything feels very closed off. Unless you were doing a specific thing at a specific time and are part of a specific group of people, you are locked into the position of a spectator. Realising that I am not in any group of people anymore played a big part in my stepping back from SRP.

It's strange how you can feel included one week and invisible the next.

This is something that I find SO true. Everything between like- September 2025 until the end of January this year was very very messy with this, so I get you completely. Perhaps it'd be cute if people who find themselves struggling to fit in like us made a little group to do things together, heh.